New Year Solutions... I'm pretty sure you won't even smile at these.

Yes, I am delayed, but for a good reason:

Astrologers and Facebook say that 

we are still hanging on to 2016...

just for a few days tho.

A close family member always tells me,

'Mom, you are terrible at jokes"

so this post is gonna be very very very serious.

For example, I joke about English language,

like, why do you complicate your lives

pronouncing 'foot' and 'book' differently?

I don't know, probably for the same reason

Spanish complicates our lives giving gender to things!

'Oh, man' a friend said to me,

No, no, 'Oh, woman!' said I, and he corrected me, etc etc.

No, I shouldn't joke, EVER! 

I don't have talent for joking!

So now that we are close to really really really!

start a fresh New Year,

around the 27, they say anyway it may,

I had to find me some New Year Solutions, right?

At least like everybody else...

After all, yoga classes are full to the brim,

and restaurant parking lots too!

So first of all and most important goal

is to stop dieting;

I realized that I am getting used to not eating

and soon I may die of it.

I fell in love with the pink gecko in my bedroom,

what should I do?

I don't want to kill it...

It's so fragile that when I chase it

with my bug relocation device, I may crush it.

Quick, I need a solution for it.

I know, I will build a nest for it,

maybe it finds a partner,

having a house, marriage is easier.

Next up, water has become too expensive in my town,

so I will stop showering,

yes, that's it, the whole month,

then I will have myself invited to a slumber party

and shower at my friend's house. 

And so on and so forth, every month. Brilliant!

In fact it's already been 29 days without,

so, if no slumber party on the horizon,

I will shower in the rain today.

Anyway, there is always Barton Springs!
Oh, I almost forgot, 29!
It's gnocchi day... put some money under the plate.

The other day my best girlfriend was crying on my shoulder

because her fiancé... eehemm, well the complicated stuff,

she said, you're right, I realized that

men ... oh, well, they may not be...

What should we do?

Just shave your head, and become a nun,

nobody will bother you there,

you will bother no one there!

I'm not sure, she said, I am friends with a nun,

and she told me that hey come to her for advice!

So, I haven't found a solution for this one yet.

I got a cockroach in my ear,

and the doc said that it is too big to be true,

so I am on my own.

I will bait it then, maybe it will stick out its head.

Oh, how about it's shy?, too warm? too comfy?

Please give me suggestions.

My house burnt down to the slab,

then it was flooded,

but I solved this easily,

I'll sleep in my car and get a boat to get around.

Since 2016 was too bad for me,

I will change shoes this year, yes,

I need to try something different!

I burnt my food, but this one is easy too,

There is always something freshly made

in my neighbor's trash bin.

I will dye my hair light blue

to go to heaven faster.

I will wear black so I disappear.

I notice that Facebook has become too serious,

people protesting the status quo!!!

so unheard of!! 

I will shut off my account, no more watery feelings!

I found the love of my life, 

so I will keep practicing it,

loving it until I turn the lights this Sunday.

Then I won't need it anymore!

Talking about practice, I have a hard time learning dances,

I will practice them in the garden,

naked so I can see my feet.

The hole on the fence? you're asking,

No, I covered them all!

Gulp! I swallowed it! Agh! that fly fell in my water!

Oh, well, I needed some protein.

OK, it's time now... it's time for me to tell you,

the real truth, the one and only truth of why
I decided to write my revolution

In 2016 I have been ... ahem! constipated.

I have a year of words constipated in my throat, 

stuck in my vocal cords,

ideas, projects, wishes, hopes,

longings, speeches, bla bla bla,

small talks, big talks, discoveries,

desires, screams stifled in there, 

waiting for a tiny opening to come out.

My only hope this New Year is to let it all out!